the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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