It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
