Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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