so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
