I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
