..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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