i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't deserve a penis
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
