I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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