I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
