Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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