I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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