I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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