Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
