Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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