At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
