We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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