i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
