The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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