I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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