I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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