but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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