just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
