True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
