Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
