I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
