im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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