well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
