I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
