she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
