I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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