Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
