It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
