who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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