super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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