I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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