everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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