Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
