Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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