dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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