Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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