omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
