escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
