I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize