He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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