i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
