I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
