sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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