hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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