I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
