I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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