no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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