Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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