just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
