a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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