So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
