It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
