how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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