Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize