Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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