going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
