They should really pass out barf bags in church
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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