It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
