we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
