I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
