Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my being single is dangerous.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
