escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
