hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
