you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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