I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
