I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
