I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
