No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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