She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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