East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
