So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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