"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
