my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
