@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
