i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
