I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
wow bdsm is so cute
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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