and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
