I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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