i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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