I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
