Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."