Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

my phone needs a breathalizer

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(413): my phone needs a breathalizer http://tfl.nu/d0rn

Replies (15) Good night (2413) Bad night (699)
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(765): View more from Indiana

At least we don't have one night stands

(1-765): View more from Indiana

True that. We sink our claws in our men.

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(765): At least we don't have one night stands (1-765): True that. We sink our claws in our men. http://tfl.nu/8zkt

Replies (8) Good night (2563) Bad night (787)
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(614): View more from Ohio

So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.

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(614): So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome. http://tfl.nu/kpah

Replies (18) Good night (6146) Bad night (1231)
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(916): View more from California

She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.

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(916): She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/9b1u

Replies (17) Good night (1463) Bad night (5896)
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(303): View more from Colorado

If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take

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(303): If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take http://tfl.nu/wz90

Replies (23) Good night (1326) Bad night (5003)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night

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(610): i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night http://tfl.nu/l16l

Replies (7) Good night (1443) Bad night (2901)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.

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(504): That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop. http://tfl.nu/jrhx

Replies (2) Good night (1522) Bad night (743)
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(480): View more from Arizona

This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.

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(480): This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love. http://tfl.nu/h8jg

Replies (9) Good night (1470) Bad night (1804)
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(734): View more from Michigan

It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.

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(734): It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/kgmn

Replies (24) Good night (4923) Bad night (836)
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(607): View more from New York

I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.

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(607): I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable. http://tfl.nu/31u9

Replies (9) Good night (567) Bad night (1549)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I just blew my weed a kiss

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(828): I just blew my weed a kiss http://tfl.nu/vers

Replies (6) Good night (1141) Bad night (521)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.

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(250): She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever. http://tfl.nu/asbh

Replies (3) Good night (1443) Bad night (433)
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(775): View more from Nevada

My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.

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(775): My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am. http://tfl.nu/5s1a

Replies (3) Good night (857) Bad night (496)
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(727): View more from Florida

This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus

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(727): This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus http://tfl.nu/9e56

Replies (8) Good night (905) Bad night (406)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"

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(312): Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?" http://tfl.nu/y5jf

Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (599)

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