Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed

  (+44): View more from England

  keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed (+44): keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction http://tfl.nu/lbnu
  Replies (18) Good night (4593) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that. http://tfl.nu/awcg
  Replies (21) Good night (3971) Bad night (1230)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore http://tfl.nu/6v6s
  Replies (10) Good night (4846) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick http://tfl.nu/5e6v
  Replies (17) Good night (1080) Bad night (10009)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand. http://tfl.nu/k6dt
  Replies (26) Good night (6750) Bad night (1327)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former. http://tfl.nu/bzj0
  Replies (2) Good night (1349) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm http://tfl.nu/w681
  Replies (2) Good night (1583) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  he is risen halelujah

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ (1-303): he is risen halelujah http://tfl.nu/sbcr
  Replies (6) Good night (1438) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins. http://tfl.nu/povt
  Replies (8) Good night (2447) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands. http://tfl.nu/oa75
  Replies (6) Good night (1364) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister http://tfl.nu/6uk5
  Replies (20) Good night (1063) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved. http://tfl.nu/qhmk
  Replies (5) Good night (796) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face" http://tfl.nu/5wsk
  Replies (3) Good night (1108) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week. http://tfl.nu/3dmv
  Replies (6) Good night (1444) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL http://tfl.nu/3dit
  Replies (3) Good night (587) Bad night (281)

Randomize