i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup