I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.