Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something