Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (38) Good night (17515) Bad night (1693)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

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  (503): His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit. http://tfl.nu/ykdx
  Replies (45) Good night (5473) Bad night (1635)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I supposed to find that romantic?

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  (412): I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts (1-412): Am I supposed to find that romantic? http://tfl.nu/carb
  Replies (19) Good night (6843) Bad night (2527)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up

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  (410): Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up http://tfl.nu/yev0
  Replies (9) Good night (5093) Bad night (978)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.

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  (270): I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut. http://tfl.nu/p9pu
  Replies (17) Good night (1096) Bad night (2347)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that

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  (904): I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that http://tfl.nu/s246
  Replies (4) Good night (2933) Bad night (768)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.

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  (973): Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality. http://tfl.nu/dmqi
  Replies (9) Good night (2120) Bad night (1023)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right

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  (807): If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right http://tfl.nu/lb7z
  Replies (3) Good night (4033) Bad night (978)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.

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  (207): I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine.... (617): This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs. http://tfl.nu/5fub
  Replies (12) Good night (3051) Bad night (900)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.

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  (570): Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question. http://tfl.nu/xjer
  Replies (3) Good night (1794) Bad night (453)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project

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  (207): I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project http://tfl.nu/3ddm
  Replies (1) Good night (1207) Bad night (399)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.

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  (701): If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times. http://tfl.nu/s20h
  Replies (5) Good night (720) Bad night (320)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "

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  (217): He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick " http://tfl.nu/w39y
  Replies (2) Good night (711) Bad night (299)
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  (619): View more from California

  yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances

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  (619): yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances http://tfl.nu/p8ta
  Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (366)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it

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  (316): Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it http://tfl.nu/i3st
  Replies (5) Good night (1328) Bad night (375)

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