She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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