So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
