Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
