Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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